Well this sucks.

"Rainbow" (rainbeaux)
08/22/2019 at 20:33 • Filed to: None

I just told my roommate that I’m moving back in with my parents in December because I won’t be able to afford rent when it goes up again after the lease is up. Here are the facts:

She pays nothing. I’m letting her live here for free.

She has three and a half months to find a new place.

She has a job and a car.

So, what’s the problem? Hell if I know. She just stormed out the door after cursing me out for being “selfish.” I found out TODAY that my dad has been secretly helping me with my credit card bills and I owe him a significant amount of money. That’s what made me certain I have to move. Until now, I had no idea that I can’t afford this place. I’ve explained this to her multiple times. There was literally no way I could have told her this earlier because it wasn’t a thing until now.

I don’t know what to do. She’s acting like this is the end of the world. She’s mad at me when it’s kind of her own fault that she hasn’t been looking for a place to stay, even though I told her when she moved in that she would only be living with me until she found one. I can’t deal with this right now, but I need to.

DISCUSSION (26)

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 20:47

send her thoughts and prayers; they’re about as useless she seems to be

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 20:55

She is not your problem. You've done what you need to do. It's up to her to figure the rest out.

jimz > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 20:59

So, what’s the problem?

you’re trying to be a good person, and she’s taking advantage of that.

being a good person doesn’t mean being a doormat. She’s mad because she’s a spoiled little Veruca Salt who’s used to always getting her way. She thinks y ou’re “selfish” because you’re not giving her everything she wants. Move back with your parents, try to square up with your dad, and send her straight to hell.

shop-teacher > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 20:59

Her reaction is actually quite common among those living on other people’s charity. That speaks volumes about the human condition. Don’t do anything. She’ll either get over it, or she won’t. Frankly, there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it.

someassemblyrequired > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 21:00

That’s not a roommate, it’s a parasite.

After that display, if she’s not on the lease I’d pack her stuff up and tell her to get lost.

Never ever put people up for free unless they are family. And even then.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 21:01

She has her own job, she can deal.

Cash Rewards > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 21:05

No no no. Fuck all this. You are in no way incorrect. Now is the time for establishing boundaries with someone who is trying to take advantage of you. You've given a reasonable person plenty of time and charity. Anyone who is isn't anything but appreciative is unreasonable. Stick to facts from here. "I'm sorry you'll have to change living arrangements, but I've given you plenty of time to find income and a new place to live." Done.

Sovande > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 21:06

Oh no . Her free ride is over.

MM54 > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 21:08

I see no fault on your part, sounds like your roommate needs to learn to take responsibility for herself (just as you are doing by moving out of a place you can’t afford ). 3 1/2 months is plenty of time to find somewhere to move; you are doing her only a favor by letting her stay for free.

HammerheadFistpunch > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 21:34

i hate to say this but her problems are her problems. you gotta take care of you. even if this was an equitable relationship (which it sounds like it's not at all) you owe her nothing.

Captain of the Enterprise > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 21:36

She’s the selfish one, she’s living there for free so she doesn’t deserve anything. You have to stand up for yourself and you are giving her months of time to figure it out.

David Baker > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 21:36

“She pays nothing”, not a roommate that’s someone you let stay in your place. I had a friend that I let stay with m e for 3 months. After 2 months he got a job, I said nothing for a month so he could catch up. I asked him for $50 a week (apartment/utilities were $1000 a mo) he ran back to mom and dad. You’ve already done too much.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 21:55

Soo she’s getting a free ride and is mad it’s over...

If she’s that upset she could offer to help pay the rent and then she wouldn’t have to move

MrDakka > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 22:19

Why were you letting her stay for free?

CRider > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 22:42

Yout don’t owe either of them anything. Your ‘roommate’ never paid rent and you have no obligation to house them. If they want to keep living there after you move out, let the landlord evict them. And if your dad is going to secretly “ help” you, he has no reasonable expectation of repayment.

Longtime Lurker > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 23:46

1st. Your roommate is spoiled and you owe her nothing.

2nd. How does someone "secretly" pay your credit card bills? Do you not look at your statement and say I don't remember making a payment on that day? How do you balance your budget with unkown "income"?

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > Rainbow
08/22/2019 at 23:49

shes not paying rent?

that means she doesnt get to have any complaints

maybe if she paid her way you could afford to stay

sounds like shes just pissed off her free ride is ending

Rainbow > MrDakka
08/23/2019 at 05:47

Her mom is an alcoholic and threw her out on the street for no reason, so I just invited her to stay until she got things settled somewhere else.

AdverseMartyr > Rainbow
08/23/2019 at 07:27

You’ve been letting her stay free, but have you considered that she has been costing you extra? - maybe not quite double on all your utilities, but I’d guess all your metered (not unlimited for a flat price) utilities are up by 1/3 or more due to having a roommate. So you might need to run your numbers and see how much less it might be if you were truly solo.

...or the vampire leech starts paying her 50% and becomes a roommate.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > Rainbow
08/23/2019 at 10:12

So the comments mostly cover the roommate situation, and you’re not doing anything wrong there. I’m more curious as to how your dad has been helping you without your knowledge? I’m not trying to judge, but I’m truly curious. How does that happen? Is he linked up to your credit cards or something? And as others have said, if he hasn’t come to you to be open and upfront that he’s helping you out, he likely won’t require repayment, but once you get some time to get your finances lined up after being home, you may want to look into all that. For now, it’s nice they have been able to help you out, but at some point you’ll have to figure out how to break free from that assistance so you can make your own calls when it comes to how you make and spend money.

And one other thing, you will want to make sure your “roommate” gets out of your rental before you go to move out so you don’t get dinged for any damages or utility bills at the end of the lease. That can be a real pain in the ass.

MrDakka > Rainbow
08/23/2019 at 10:19

That sucks, but y ou should've been like the Grinch

shop-teacher > CRider
08/23/2019 at 11:41

Agreed that his dad doesn't have a reasonable expectation to be repaid. However, it is probably best for Rainbow's mental well being and sense of self, for him to work on repaying his dad.

shop-teacher > Longtime Lurker
08/23/2019 at 11:45

I actually experienced something similar in college. My statement went home, my mom paid it, and told me what I owed. I paid my parents. I was married before I found out that she had helped me financially throughout college. And no, I didn’t do an actual budget, because I stupid.

shop-teacher > merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc
08/23/2019 at 11:49

I went through a similar thing financially during college. My statement went home, mom paid it, told me what I owed them. I paid them. It was years later ... I think I was already married ... That I found out she had fudged the numbers in my favor for years.

While Rainbow’s daday not be expecting repayment, it may be good for Rainbow’s mental health and well-being to pay him back. He seems to be struggling really bad, and feels like he’s failing at being an adult. Moving back home, squaring up with his dad ... Required or not ... And learning how to budget properly before venturing back out on his own ... I think that will be good for the lad.

Rainbow > merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc
08/24/2019 at 06:54

Precisely what shop-teacher said. My dad is still attached to my card, so I don’t really bother checking the invoices. He bugs me enough when I do something unusual (“ why did you spend $200 at the LEGO store right before rent is due?”) so he’ll catch any fraud or whatever. But apparently he’s been making deposits that I didn’t know about.

And yeah, I suppose I technically owe him nothing, but I want to prove to myself that I *can* be responsible. My cousin is in his 30s and still lives with his parents, and unlike me, he actually finished college. So I feel like I’m much more likely to end up stuck with them forever, and nobody wants that.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > Rainbow
08/24/2019 at 21:25

Yeah, it’s becoming more of a normal thing to live with parents way too long. Kinda sad really, but when people drop 10s of thousands for a liberal arts degree, it can make it tough to get real work that will actually pay bills. I was fortunate to find land in construction, but there are times I’d wished I chose a different path. But it pays the bills, I don’t hate it and there are times when it truly is rewarding. But it affords a nice lifestyle for myself and my family, but there are many points it could have went drastically different. So I don’t judge. But by the grace of God go I, and all that. Sounds like you’ve got the right idea and are trying to make the sacrifice now to better position yourself down the line, go for it. Good luck to you.